Young Chuck

Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer
agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and
said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened
with that dead horse?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $998..'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He was the one who
figured out how to "bail us out".

Love is...

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

Twice as Much

By Dr. Donald E. Wetmore

I take Time Management very seriously. I have conducted over 2,000 presentations as a professional speaker on Time Management over the last twenty years to over 100, 000 people. But a good laugh now and then is as important as our serious side.

So, I have accumulated some of the most offbeat Time Management tips for you to get twice as much done. I know you’ll get a chuckle or two from them.

• Don’t buy an address book and fill it out. Instead, get a copy of the white pages from your local telephone company and cross out the names you don’t need.
• Always use twice as much grass seed as the directions call for and grow twice the grass.
• Shower for twice as much time on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and you can skip Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays.
• Go to bed dressed, ready to start your next day.
• Listen to your politicians and learn how to be better at double talk.
• Only look at every other word and read twice as fast.
• I know cookies should be baked at 350 degrees, but try cooking them at 700 degrees in half the time.
• Eat your dessert while eating your main course.
• When you make a big mistake, be sure to have two excuses why you goofed, to get you out of trouble twice as fast.
• Fish with two poles.
• Cut off half the buttons on your shirts and blouses and you will be able to button what’s left in half the time.

Just Thinking Out Loud

You know how when people see a cat's litter box, they say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for the guests!"

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why is it that plastic garbage bags will not open from the end you first try?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to in the first place?

Kids Say The ____est Things!

James, age 4, was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

"Dear Lord," the minister began with arms extended toward heaven. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment a young girl leaned over to her Mom and asked quite audibly, "Mom, what is butt dust?"